I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
