so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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