And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
