peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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