I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
someone owes me an orgasm
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
