You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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