how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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