Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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