I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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