How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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