i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
