Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
