Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize