I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
