I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
