Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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