im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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