Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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