I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
