So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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