I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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