You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
