So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
