so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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