the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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