He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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