Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
