He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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