There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
