I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
