maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
