jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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