p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
