While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
