So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
