Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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