I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
