now i know why i became what i already was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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