Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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