no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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