Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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