I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
