All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's never too late to be topless.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
