girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
