Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
