Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
