glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
