i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
