I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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