i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
