Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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