yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Help me help you realize you are a moron
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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