I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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