I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
