Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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