I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
