so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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