I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
