i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
