I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
