Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
