speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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