One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
