is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
