Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
