Duck Duck Cougar?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
