Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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