i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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