Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
zippers are such a cool invention
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
