Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
