I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
