so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
