3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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